"Pro" News, New bike, and My Baby's Momma

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For immediate release:

A great stir took over the peloton at the Ken Woods Memorial race when it was realized Charly Tri, aka Jo Mama, was not present in the Cat 3 peloton at the start of the third and final lap. A spokesperson (a unique 8 year old child with a goatee, wooden leg, and penchant for spitting) for Mr. Mama is quoted as having said that the prolific rider was suffering from gastrointestinal issues that forced him to abandon at the end of the second lap (and near the Porto Pottys). "Charly was not feeling well all race. He was only able to go at about 80%, and feared what could happen out in the middle of nowhere. He was happy that despite his condition, he was able to stay with the stronger riders on the most difficult parts of the great course. He expressed great disappointment because he was sure he could make the last selection on the hill and offer an intense ending," says the spokesperson. It appears as though Mr. Mama's next race will be the Spring Cup. He spent the rest of the weekend with his wife, enjoying her birthday and doing some secret training.
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I hope that sounded "pro" despite the fact I don't resemble "pro" any other way.

Here I am at the start of the race with a decent headache. #670

We headed to Red Wing for some chillin. The next day we ate breakfast at the Blue Moon Cafe downtown. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Did someone get a new bike for their birthday? Hmmm, looks like a loving husband already added a lot of "upgrades" to his wife's new cross/road bike.

W.O.W., like Velorochester, but for the ladies.

Just before I dropped her hard with the patented 15mph attack.

A little off-roading action on the road slicks.

That is it for now.

I gotta go to work, hint, hint.

"Pro" News, New bike, and My Baby's Momma

***********
For immediate release:

A great stir took over the peloton at the Ken Woods Memorial race when it was realized Charly Tri, aka Jo Mama, was not present in the Cat 3 peloton at the start of the third and final lap. A spokesperson for Mr. Mama is quoted as having said that the prolific rider was suffering from gastrointestinal issues that forced him to abandon at the end of the second lap (and near the Porto Pottys). "Charly was not feeling well all race. He was only able to go at about 80%, and feared what could happen out in the middle of nowhere. He was happy that despite his condition, he was able to stay with the stronger riders on the most difficult parts of the course. He expressed great disappointment because he was sure he could make the last selection on the hill and offer an intense ending," says the spokesperson. It appears as though Mr. Mama's next race will be the Spring Cup. He spent the rest of the weekend with his wife, enjoying her birthday and doing some secret training.
***********

That sounded "pro" despite the fact I don't resemble "pro" any other way.

Here I am at the start of the race with a decent headache. #670

We headed to Red Wing for some chillin. The next day we ate breakfast at the Blue Moon Cafe downtown. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Did someone get a new bike for their birthday? Hmmm, looks like a loving husband already added a lot of "upgrades" to his wife's new cross/road bike.

W.O.W., like Velorochester, but for the ladies.

Just before I dropped her hard with the patented 15mph attack.

A little off-roading action on the road slicks.

That is it for now.

I gotta go to work, hint, hint.

Babies, Crits, and Land of Cheese

Weekend day #1

Well, Sat I drove 5 hours to attend my first coed baby shower. Got pulled over for rolling a stop sign, damn racial profiling.

Then drove 90 minutes to see the friend's new baby.

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Then at 9:30pm we finally arrived at my baby's granddaddy's and grandmomma's where I quickly fell asleep.

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Exciting day, eh?

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Weekend day #2

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Sunday arrives in WI with great weather. The baby's momma and I chill outside (in da hood o' course) and watch the Rolex's to know when to roll out. We jammed out of the hood packing heat cause that is howz we do it. A stop at the Gap outlet store and we were out to hang wit da homies.

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Mad town waz call'n and I saw my peeps hanging at the crit. The Moore brothers tell of their gangsta first and second place rides in the ghetto of WI da previous day. Signed up, put the 9mm away, and it was crit time.

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The other gangs were popping their homies off the front all race, but none of them were true O.G.'s that could back it up. The last straight away was where it was going down.

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The sprint was like this: boxed in at about 6th, frustrated with 1st riding away, find a hole, sprint around group to go for it, one of them swerves as I go by and my left shoe says hello to his front wheel, he swerves away and then back and it is my rear wheel that doesn't budge as he ends up going down, he breaks his collarbone, ambulance comes. I spend the rest of the day feeling guilty and trying to figure out if there was anyway I caused him to go down (I am sure I did not), not about how I got 2nd place in my first true cat 3 race.

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Riding in 3rd position. Close to the front, but out of the wind.

The sprint. Me upright on the left. The winner upright on the right. I circled the rider who had gone down. I hope he recovers quickly.

The weekend was full of frustrations. To top it off we came across an accident on our way home. I guy on a motorcycle had gone down and we had the unfortunate experience of seeing his lifeless body on the road.

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Remember folks, we live on borrowed time. Try to keep it all in perspective out there...

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but for now you should get back to work.

Riding in shorts once again!

Dude, I did my second ride this year with shorts! Sweet tanlines here I come, so look out ladies!

Went out Tuesday, found my favorite loooong climb (by MN standards) and spent the next hour doing hill repeats up it at an intense pace. Most hills seem to be treat me fine, but those really steep ones put the wood to me. As Sugar Daddy says (in his best Keith Bontrager voice). "climbing, sprinting, time-trialing. Pick Two." I told him I wanted climbing and sprinting, but I guess it doesn't quite work that way. What kind of coach is that?

This Wednesday saw who has fragile egos (hand raised). A more modest ride got ramped up and ended with three of us waaaaay off the front. We got a little out of hand, but by breaking away we proved that we must be really well endowed.

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Other then that, the days are finally getting warmer. I have a crit this weekend in WI that hopefully will go well. I have to travel to other states now where riders don't know about my patented 15 mph attacks. They have no idea what is in store for them.

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Do you get paid by the hour to read this crap? Get back to work, there are millions on welfare depending on you.

Sex, hills, and gett'n dropped.

The Oxbow Classic is just that. Infamous for it's Oxenburg climb with grades up to 22% and non-traditional gravel roads.

If you are a consistent reader here (may God help your soul) you may remember the bad incident with the eggbeater pedals. With the thought of my 12/24 hour races planned for this year I wanted to avoid a mechanical, so I bought some new Time pedals. Much better quality, better piece of mind. Only problem was that they came with a 50 gram weight penalty, uh oh.

Well we all lined up for the "A" race. This would be my first race with cat 1/2 riders in it. There must have been a sale down at The Gap because 9 of the 12 A1 riders were all wearing the same outfit. How embarrassing! The proverbial gun went off and I went to the front to put in one of my patented 15mph attacks. Because everyone was still fresh I was not able to break free.

Then we hit the Oxenburg hill. I was in great position towards the front, but that is were the good ended and the bad started. Remember that 50 gram weight penalty with my new pedals? Yup, you guessed it, I got dropped on the hill. Not be done in by my own pedals I gave chase and got into contact with the front group again a mile later.

Towards the end of the 1st lap I moved towards the front again with the legs feeling great. I wanted to have as much of an advantage when we hit the Oxenburg considering the huge weight problem with the pedals. Then those bastards dropped me again. Once again, I gave chase and I caught back on. On the way up the next biggest hill on the backside of the course my legs cramped and that was all she wrote. I drank a bunch of water and started the futile chase. It was not to be this time. I finished up the 2nd half of the course by myself, riding just under the effort that would bring back the cramps. Don't know how I finished. I do know that Velorochester took 3 of the top 4 spots in the A2's (and the win). They were all riding much lighter pedals then I was, bastards.

******Warning the following has sexual content (but no reference to nappy headed hoes)**********
The one cool thing, as I was completing the last lap something interesting occurred. A blue truck was making its way up the hill I was descending, only I could not identify a driver. It was not until I got closer that I saw the BACK of a girl (wearing a flowered tank top by the way) bouncing up and down in the drivers seat. Knowing there would be boyfriend checking his rear view mirror I threw up the Hollywood "party on" sign and continued to the bottom. Later I asked my wife if we could get a truck to replace my Jetta.

The steepest section of the climb.


Me trying to overcome the huge gravitational pull from my "heavy" pedals.
The group after they left me for dead.
Trying (unsuccessfully) to get back into contact with the group.


Those bastard pedals. I still plan on keeping them because I figure a 50 gram weight penalty is better than a broken spindle or chowed bearings, but it is still disappointing.



I guess it was just one of those days.

That was a long one today. Do you suppose your boss actually thought you were working?

Thanks to www.skinnyski.com for the pics.

Oxbow Classic

Ultra quick recap.

I didn't win (I heard you gasp).

I saw a couple having sex (yes, that is true).

Now to go out dancing to celebrate my baby's momma bff's birthday.

Easter

Easter. A time to reflect on the important things in life like dyed eggs, chocolate bunnies, and something that has to do with going to church. Not sure what that last one has to be in there, but it is kinda like Christmas time. Just when you are all pumped about opening presents you have to go to church. Hmmph. How did the Churches convince people to come on days that were obviously designed for days off and presents? They are sneaky I tell you.



Becky and my sister Kim. Kim likes to give the visual impression that

A) She is a boy.

B) She worships the devil

C) She doesn't have a boyfriend (by the nickname of Fuzzy)

D) All of the above.

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Did I mention she is getting confirmed next week?. We are prepared for a lot of kicking and screaming.

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Old man Geller (Becky's dad) looking like a sissy dying eggs. He can usually be found with a Pepsi in one hand and a bag of Old Dutch chips in another.

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Nina on the 4 hour car ride home says, "Daddy, I'm tired!"

We got back in time for me to head out to do a lap of the Oxbow course. The sun is low and the shadow is long.

This is the Oxenburg. It will kick your ass. Maybe not the first time up it, but definitely by the last lap. A large portion of this is at 22%. I made it up in my 39X23. I am not doing that 4 times this Saturday! (Note, the gravel road in the distance is the same road.)

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There will be many casualties at Oxbow. This critter only made it down the hill from the Oxenburg before he conked out. Poor little fella. Cashew would bring him home and throw him in the microwave. Just like he was planning on doing with his week old coffee.

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Headed home on the Douglas trail. Too much crap on the bars.

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It is supposed to snow tomorrow. How funny is that?

Yahoo

So I did a Yahoo image search on my first name. Here are the 1st three pictures that popped up.

Check it out, my name in lights.

Dude, check out that hairdo!

Uhhhhh, I don't know about that.

So I think I like the first one the best.

Climbing with Cashew.

Hit the hills today. Sustained (well as sustained as you can get here in Rochester) threshold climbing was the order of the day. Me on the Paragon, Cashew was on his Trek Madone full of Boron. I thought I rode strong, but my pedals were all in one piece at the end. Obviously, I was stronger Sunday. Together we climbed and climbed. I didn't bring the camera, so here I am finishing up the ride in the kitchen. Cheesy? Yes. Brilliant at the same time? Just maybe.

Nina sees you.

Yo, yo. Gizel to the wizel.

POWER.

Did my threshold testing this weekend. I am officially 10% stronger then I was a in November. The impressive thing was not that I was stronger, but that the need to hurl (like last time) was replaced with the strength and energy to go for a ride afterwards. The ability to recover after hard efforts will be key in my big races this year.

I am so strong now look at what I did to my pedals the next day. Yeah, I am bad ass now. Or was that fat ass? Uhh, never mind.

Work, shmurck.